Writing a blog like this brings manyopportunities, both for success and failure. Many of my ideas have beentumbling around in my head for years, but the proud side of me fears failureand rejection – what if people don’t like the way I write? What if theydisagree with me? Will my real-life haters show up and hate me more or pointout how I’ve wronged them? All those things are possible, and it is a littlescary to put your thoughts and work – to put yourself – out there for judgment and criticism. But as I’ve mulledover this endeavor, I have realized that the topic that interests me the mostis the topic I need to read – the topic I need to consider and discuss. All humansneed the opportunity for a second chance; we all need to be heard; and everyperson has a different story with a different perspective. I don’t have all theanswers and I never want to come across as being “preachy” or self-righteous. Mygoal is to share perspectives that have helped me realize that all people havethe need to be understood, to be valued, and to be loved – in lovingrelationships, by friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and even strangers– in different ways, of course, but even people who seem to seek out negativeattention on the regular, still have a need to be recognized and appreciated.Each of these perspectives takes us a little further down the Road 2 Human.

As we go through life and meet other people,we learn more and more about ourselves and how we fit into this big world. Wealso learn more about the other humans, good and bad – and what we do with thatinformation impacts our perspective on everything else in our lives. Sometimeswe meet people, or hear about them on the news, maybe we hear about them fromfriends or family, but sometimes, we have to face the fact that a lot of peoplereally give us doubts about the overall “goodness” of people. I have thosemoments daily, but I also make a point of surrounding myself with really greatpeople. I care deeply about my people, and their kindness, strength, joy, andlove remind me that there are lots of really “good” people out there, peopleworth finding, worth helping, worth learning from, and worth the time it takesto build a relationship. This world can be as joyful a place as you make it. Soevery day, I wake up and make a conscious decision to be happy, to be thankful,and to love people a little better than I did yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong, though, I don’tenjoy interacting with all people all the time, and I’m sure that a lot of themdon’t enjoy interacting with me. But I am certain, that as I consciouslyattempt to understand humans better and to communicate with them in a way thatis more positive and more productive, I develop better relationships and a morejoyful life. And isn’t that what we’re all trying to do?

Having said that I make an effort tocommunicate better and to love humans more, and realizing that certaininterpersonal skills create opportunities to help others, and truly believingthat communicating with people from a more understanding perspective developsbetter relationships, I will also say this: lots of people are just bad at communication. Because we comewith so many backstories, so many experiences, different goals and motivations,different headspaces, and a world of different expectations, the rules foranticipating how someone will react to communication are not solid. At best, theyare guidelines for making a good guess at how someone will react to a messageyou present. As much as you may know about communication – and maybe you’rereally good at it – your best friend, your spouse, or your boss may not be goodat it at all. Then what do you do? Where do you go from a poor communicative experience?And I assure you that it happens.

One of the hardest (and most valuable)parts of learning to be a good communicator is understanding that all your bestefforts sometimes don’t work. If your audience does not engage in a productive,positive way, you have to make a decision on the strategy of your next attempt.And while this lack of engagement may be frustrating, it does not make that individuala “bad,” “disinterested,” or “stupid” person – it makes them human. For we allstruggle and we all veer onto parts of our path that can take us away frompeople or problems – it’s a defense mechanism. Some of the greatest people Iknow, love, and respect are not the greatest communicators I know. My family isdear to me, and we all get along well, but often sarcasm and passive aggressionfind their way into our communications with each other. It happens, and we canstill work with those folks because our relationship with them is moreimportant than our need to be right.

When I finally wrapped my head aroundthe different elements of what practical communication entails (a messenger, amessage, and an audience), I realized that I could only control two of thosefactors, and sometimes, your best efforts fall on fallow ground. Sometimes youraudience is not prepared, cannot grasp your perspective, has a past experiencethat makes communication more challenging, has no desire or motivation tounderstand, is seeking its own specific answer, simply refuses to engage in themessage, or has one of ten thousand other good reasons not to engage as youmight hope. These reactions are frustrating, but one of the keys to a happylife is knowing that you cannot control what other people do, think, or say. Allowingthis fact to be a factor in your communication strategy frees your psyche from theweight of imminent communication breakdowns. A failed attempt at communicationmay not be your fault, but it should push you to try again and look at it in away that the other person may receive it better.

By setting my expectations for thecommunication process, to do my best as the messenger, presenting the messagein the most clear and thoughtful way possible, the mental part of the communicationstrategy turns more toward the audience and how to plan for their condition andreaction. Expect that everyone needs gentle, helpful communication, and whenyou learn more about them, you can adjust your communication strategy and styleaccordingly. Obviously, your own voice, your perspective and your informationare the catalysts for communicating, but if your audience does not receive themessage, or the hear it incorrectly, it may be lost.

Sometimes, the most importantperspective in your communication plan is found in the audience to whom you arepresenting your message.